10 posts from April 2007

Dennis Quaid from 1979's Breaking Away.  Fire up that time machine.

When was the last time you did something dangerous? 
Submitted by Ross. 

Ha.  I forgot to add the Thing That Scares Me More Than Most Other Things to my last post ("Things that scare me to varying degrees"), so this QotD has great timing.  What is this Thing That Scares Me More Than Most Other Things?  Crossing streets.  Yeah, no one's ever chided me for behaving too recklessly -- OCD keeps that in check.  I really have a fear of crossing streets at non-approved crosswalks and getting hit by a car.  I remember walking around San Jose, Costa Rica a year ago with my friends.  They had no qualms about sprinting across four lanes of traffic; however, jaywalking is something I simply Do Not Do.  Unfortunately, "getting lost in foreign cities by myself while my friends walk merrily to our car on the other side of the street" is also something that I Do Not Do, so I was forced to run after them.  I was not pleased.

The last time I did something dangerous like this -- crossing a street at an unapproved crosswalk -- was at lunchtime the day before yesterday.  The restaurant Panera is directly across the street from my office; however, the nearest crosswalk is a quarter-mile away.  I walked up to the crosswalk on my way to Panera, but on my way back to work after picking up my lunch, I had to eschew the long walk back to the crosswalk because I only a couple of minutes to get back to the office.  So, I ran across the first two lanes of traffic and stood in the median to wait for a break in traffic, before dashing across the last two lanes of traffic.  AND I did all of this while clutching a container of hot broccoli cheddar soup -- talk about "danger."  Did I have a mild panic attack after reaching the other side of the street?  Sure.  Did I feel a sense of guilt for jaywalking?  Of course.  Did I shave minutes off my walk back to work and, for a brief moment, feel like a normal person?  Definitely.  Naturally, I made that feeling go away by returning to the office and arranging items on my desk so that they would all be perpendicular to each other.

• Driving over bridges
• The sudden disappearance of honeybees
• The thought of my dog dying some day
• Clowns (oh, were I only kidding)
• Loneliness
• Debt
• Global warming
• Watching scary movies and then having to walk somewhere dark by myself
• Walking barefoot on ladders and roofs
• The thought of losing my immediate family some day
• Underwater caves
• Car accidents
• Double dutch jump roping

I just got a wetsuit and new snorkel yesterday for my job in the Keys.  The snorkel is kind of exciting because it's a dry snorkel, so that means I don't have to blow into it to get water out.  Yeah, at the point where things like that excite me, it would be fair to say that I don't have much else going on.

This morning, I poured myself into my wetsuit, put on my mask and snorkel, and carefully stepped into our swimming pool.  Diving is for pussies whatever is the opposite of that word I just crossed out.  Mostly, I just wanted to see if my mask and suit fit and if my snorkel truly is a dry one (it is).  Swimming around the pool in a wetsuit and snorkel, though, was kind of fun.  Of course, there wasn't much to see, unless pool algae growth excites you (and at the point where things like that excite you, it would be fair to say that you don't have much else going on).  Still, it was a very peaceful experience -- no big waves making me nauseous (I have gotten seasick while snorkeling), no menacing barracuda scaring the puke out of me -- pool snorkeling was quite nice...lovely, even.

I still have to buy my fins.  Apparently, I have very small feet; you'd think that a dive shop run by a dwarf woman would have a fair selection of small gear, but, alas, ours did not (seriously, this woman was maybe 4'6").  I found one pair of fins that fit perfectly, but they were cracked, so the store is going to order some for me.  Then I get to spend MORE money.  Hooray.  It's all I freaking do this week, to get ready for this move.  Still on tap to purchase: a few books, bedding, tires, a haircut for me, a haircut for my dog, dog food, rabbit food, birth control and more.  I can't wait.  I'll have to take a few more dives wade into the pool carefully a few more times to put myself back at ease.

Anyway, if you have a pool and a snorkel, I highly recommend exploring the cement wonderland.  I'm all about cheap thrills.

About two weeks ago, I looked down at my foot.  I guess I don't take the time to do that very often -- look down at my feet -- because what I discovered shocked me a little bit.  The toenail on the middle toe on my right foot was

Toes 002

completely missing.  Gone.  I don't remember injuring it or the toenail looking ill, and I especially don't recall the toenail actually falling off.  Isn't that something you'd notice?  I mean, I wear flip-flops every day, so it's not like the toenail could have gotten stuck in a sock or anything like that.  So, where did it go?  Did someone find my missing toenail, get really grossed out, and then think less of the person who used to possess the toenail for leaving her detached toenails laying around?  What kind of incredible journeys has my toenail been on since leaving my foot?  I'd like to know.

A new, tiny, lesser toenail is growing back in its place.  It's only been the last few days that I've been able to bring myself to look at my foot, for I find a toenail-less toe a little icky.

I just accepted a job yesterday in the Florida Keys.

PigeonKeyApril2007004.jpg

I had been mulling over the whole job offer for a day and a half, and had asked the director in the Keys to give me the weekend to think about it -- the offer was for a job that pays $10,000 less than the job that I interviewed for.  But housing, in the cute little house on the right, is included, and the job is exactly what I want to be doing, so I figured what the hell -- when else in my life will I be able to live in the Keys?  I made up my mind when my supervisor at my current job asked me if I could run a project in late May.  I blurted out, "no, I'm leaving.  For a job in the Keys.  Yeah.  I'm giving notice" before I had really definitively made up my mind.  So, saying that kinda made my decision for me.

Since I'm leaving in just over a week, now is naturally the time for men to suddenly become interested in me.  Never mind that no dude (save the asshole ex who was in my life far too long before this year) in the last year has given me a second thought -- now that I'm moving, I'm a hot property!  A dude at work wants to fix me up with his doctor cousin!  An old man at work is taking me to see Chicago on Sunday!  A cute bartender at the restaurant I worked at part-time wants to spend time with me before I go!  Although, honestly, the last thing I need in my life is another bartender with a military background. 

Either way, I am flattered and annoyed by this attention.  Here I had accepted the fact that I very well may have to be celibate for the rest of my life on account of my unluckiness with men; now that I'm moving away, though, I am apparently releasing some "come and get it" pheromone.  And since I have very little time left in which to "get it," I am annoyed.

Look at my adorable dog:

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I haven't been able to stop calling my adorable dog "nappy headed ho."  It just rolls off the tongue, as in, "Who's my favorite nappy headed ho?  YOU'RE my favorite nappy headed ho, yes, you are!"  I find Imus' phrase offensive on so many levels, but it's so catchy!  Just look at all the talking heads in the media who repeated it ad nauseum -- because of all those people, I can't get "nappy headed hos" out of my non-nappy head.  I've heard the phrase so many times that it has lost its meaning.  Luckily, my dog really seems to respond to it.

• Driving
• Painting my toenails
• Oysters
• Shaun of the Dead
• Cooking
• The letter "B"
• Tequila
• Capers
• Snorkeling
• The song "Funkytown"
• Bartenders
• Chefs
• Pretty much anyone in the hospitality industry
• Hall and Oates
• Pickeled okra
• Beekeeping

A: A mailbox that suddenly is not full of spam.  After receiving 100+ junk email messages a day, every day for the last two months, I'm a little concerned that as of Thursday night, I am no longer receiving any spam.  At all -- in my inbox or in my junk file.  What's going on?  Have all of the Viagra and Cialis pushers given up hope that I might purchase their products?  Is my email malfunctioning and returning all email, regardless if it's from Grandma or HotGirlz4U?

I kinda miss all the attention of the spammers.  Now that they're gone, I feel so...lonely.

Man, the last six months have sucked.  I refuse to write about it because that's how much I don't want to think about the suckiness any more than I have already thought about the suckiness. 

I used to be a good little blogger, pre-suckage (not on Vox, obviously; this was back on Blogger).  I'd like to get back in the swing of things, so I'm going to attempt writing something -- anything -- here a few times a week, even if it's just a shopping list (especially, if it's just a shopping list.  I think that would bring the vanity of a blog to a whole new level.  Who out there on the Intertubes doesn't want to know that I need to buy stamps?).  Basically, I'm trying to do the opposite of everything I've done in the last six months, in a desperate, superstitious attempt to reverse the suckiness.

I was going to write something about a good movie I saw yesterday vs. a really, really bad movie I saw a little while ago.  Strangely, there's a movie on now that has an actor from the awful movie AND an actress from the good movie.  I don't know, I find that a little odd.  Now, if you're wondering why I'm watching movies two days in a row, it's not because I'm super lame -- it's the damn Nor'easter keeping me inside and on the couch.  Also, I'm not super lame -- I'm merely lame-ish.

Good Movie I Saw Yesterday

Stranger than Fiction.  It was definitely different than anything else I've seen -- it was nice not to know what was going to happen next.  Also, loved, loved, loved Will Ferrell in a non-slapsticky role.  Although, I'm not going to lie --  Blades of Glory was pretty funny.

Bad Movie I Saw a Couple of Months Ago

The Black Dahlia.  Oh good lord, what terrible acting and bad storyline.  My knitting was much more engaging than this movie was.

Movie with Actors from Both Movies

Any idea?  It's Josh Hartnett and Maggie Gyllenhaal in Forty Days and Forty Nights.  I've only seen the last five minutes of it.  That was all I needed.