1 post tagged “gluten”
Ever since being diagnosed with a gluten allergy a few weeks ago, my mind has been filled with happy memories of my time with that sticky bunch of proteins. Sipping a beer on the beach in Costa Rica ... sharing a pizza with a good friend ... surviving on bagels in college ... rolling in wheat flour at the local bakery ... oh, wait -- that last one was just a naughty fantasy from the other night. The point is that gluten is in everything that is good. By the same token, things without gluten aren't that super.
Want proof? Have yourself some gluten-free Annie's Mac-and-Cheese. Normally, I'm a huge fan of Annie's Mac-and-Cheese. I especially like the bunny-shaped pasta, as I am a bunny enthusiast, as is my roommate's dog, Lucy:
Alas, like my bunny Hefner, Annie's bunny-shaped pasta does not come in a gluten-free version. So, when I was searching for quick-and-easy gluten-free dinner items the other night, I had to settle for gluten-free Annie's elbow mac-and-cheese. There's nothing cute about elbows. Look at your elbow right now. Does it bring a smile to your face? I'm guessing it doesn't.
In my gluten-free pursuits, I have sampled a variety of breads and such made with a mix of potato flour, tapioca flour, and rice flour, since I can no longer have wheat flour, on account of it shredding my small intestine (note to small intestine: I'm sorry). I had some decent un-gluten-y zucchini bread, but with the other items, I noticed one common thread: none of them stick together. As soon as I my fingers touched a gluten-free piece of bread, it just crumbled into millions of tiny un-delicious pieces. Now, I'm not a food snob or anything, but I just have this "thing" where I prefer to eat my food in whole pieces that can be seen without magnification aides. I know, I'm kinda funny like that.
I should have considered the bonding powers of gluten before picking up that box of Annie's Rice Pasta & Cheddar. Not only that, I should have been alarmed by the lack of color in the pasta elbows. Elbows are boring enough -- must they be sickly and pale, too?
It wasn't until I went through the whole rigmarole of mac-and-cheese cooking -- you know, watching water boil, draining water, mixing in cheese product; it is an art -- that I fully apppreciated the gluten in all of my previous mac-and-cheese experiences. This mac-and-cheese was different...it, like my bread, had also crumbled into millions of tiny un-delicious pieces. Shredded elbows -- shredded like my small intestine, I'm sure -- lined the macaroni pot. I chopped up some tomatoes from the garden to try to dress up the meal and give it some flavor, but it was all in vain. In fact, I think I owe those tomatoes an apology for subjecting them to such an unpleasant macaroni encounter.
Luckily, my favorite kinds of food are Thai and Indian, which rely heavily on rice in the form it was meant to be in: rice-like, not rice flour-like. So, I can cut these wannabe-glutenrific foods -- the bastardized breads and sorry excuses for mac-and-cheese -- out of my diet, as there are other things out there I can eat. My cross-country move in two weeks is going to be a little tricky because I don't really recall many stop-and-go Thai restaurants near the interstate in Oklahoma and Arkansas. Nonetheless, I owe it to my small intestine to forgo the Arby's sandwich -- or really, any sandwich from anywhere since I can't have bread -- and fill up on rice cakes in the car instead.
Oh, small intestine, you are soooo going to owe me...
